I spent the summer underground. Not literally, but it felt like it. Have you ever had a time where you’ve felt breathlessly busy but when asked to tell what you’ve been up to, you couldn’t really say? The days rush by in a blur but at the end of them you have trouble quantifying what you’ve done.
I don’t flatter myself anyone has noticed, but I can’t remember the last time I posted a blog. Instead, this spring and summer I wrote and taught a Bible study… a long-held dream of mine. I didn’t mean to take a break from the blog, but it turns out I only have so much writing energy. It was an incredible experience which I got to share with a wonderful group of women who, quite frankly, blessed me by just showing up on week two after I’d convinced myself no one would be back. I’m pretty sure I learned more from them about having God’s joy than they learned from me. All in all it whetted my appetite for more… more study, more research, more deep infilling of revelation by the Holy Spirit so I can turn around and teach others. We’ll see what happens there.
The other thing I did this summer was spend it with a lot of people. All you fellow introverts know that that’s a big deal. In fact, it gets worse; as a hyper-scheduled person who enjoys making lists and checking them twice, I ended up with people – GASP – spontaneously more often than not. Last-minute invitations to get together. Hopping in the car to meet someone for coffee. Helping my college kids with all the stuff they had on their plates. Hospital visits, meetings, lunches, dinners, potlucks and even – I’m not making this up – giving a ride to an Amish family stranded by the side of the road when their rental bus broke down a mile from my house.
I might lose my introvert card by saying this, but all of this people stuff turned out to be kind of fun. Really, when you get to spend time with people who are loving Jesus and trying to love each other, how can that not be fun? (Ok, I still made sure I was completely alone at the end of every day with no one talking to me, so I guess the world won’t be gaining another extrovert anytime soon.)
As we head into fall, what I’m left with is a Bible study I need to revise and lots of good memories with lovely people… it’s wonderful, but not exactly the American ideal of impressive numbers and big success that still lingers as the standard in the back of my head. I don’t have much else to show for my time other than the awareness that somehow, by a miracle of the Holy Spirit, this perfectionistic type-A achiever has mellowed a little bit. Maybe become a bit more flexible. Maybe gotten better about worrying whether I’m doing enough or working hard enough.
Maybe I’m even starting to think that who I am is enough.
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