Purposeful Trusting

white-fence-in-autumn-forest

Transitions kinda stink sometimes. I am not a “live by the seat of my pants” kind of person. I like routine, order, and stability. I love making lists and checking them twice (Santa & I would get along fine).

As a mostly empty nester, I have a lot of freedom. We also have bills to pay, so one thing that’s become clear is that I need a job. My options have boiled down to either getting a job somewhere or expanding my baking business. I’m pursuing both of those things and waiting for God to open doors, which in itself is hard. I feel like I’m on some sort of cosmic game show (“What’s behind door #2 of my life? How about door #3?)

All of this door stuff has challenged me to ask myself if I really believe what I say I believe about God. Do I really trust Him? What does trusting Him look like, in this season, for this time?

Rob said something to me that hit home. He said he thinks that God is more interested in how I’m handling the transition than in what I actually do. Perhaps this is because Rob – along with our kids – has had a front-row seat to my anxiety over this season in my life. Meanwhile, the whisper in my mind keeps asking the same question: do you believe what you say you believe about Me?

Trust. For me, it all boils down to that one word. Do I trust that He has a plan (and will actually let me know what it is)?  Do I trust that He’s heard me? That I matter to Him? Do I trust that He is my good Father?

I don’t fully trust, not yet. But I trust Him more than I did a year ago… more than a month ago… more than I trusted Him yesterday. I think that’s all He asks.

photo via visualhunt.com

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